What makes me a slut?

Sometimes I think something might be wrong with me. Is it normal to have these feelings? Are other women like this? I get wet and turned on at the weirdest times. In the grocery store, I’ll catch the eye of a good looking guy, not even someone showing any particular interest in me, and I’ll spend the rest of the time in the store, wandering around, picking out produce and imagining what he would be like in bed on top of me.

You see. I really am a slut.

There is a short list of guys I work with I would really like to fuck. The list could be longer, but I can’t let myself go too far. It gets out of hand, and then I can’t think about work at all during the day. Sometimes, after the guy I think of the most has visited my office, I will close my door and masturbate under my desk, imagining him fucking me. I most like to imagine that he has control over me – that he has blackmailed me into fucking him, and forces me to do what he wants, or he will expose my secrets to those who I least want to know them. Or sometimes I imagine my husband has enlisted him to fuck me, so I truly have no control – I have to do what he says, the choice is not mine to make. I close my eyes and picture him walking into my office, closing the door, unbuckling his belt, and moving toward me with a big smile on his face and a huge, hard cock in his hand.

Throughout my day I can find reasons to imagine all kinds of people in sexual situations – with or with out me or my husband or both of us. A random stranger can get me wet and hot for no particular reason, close friends can turn me on at unexpected moments. I fantasize all the time. I wonder about the sex lives of everyone around me. I would love to fuck about ten different people I know, either just once or repeatedly.

I have learned to be careful, to mask my slut self with my “normal” self. I was not very good at that when I was younger – but I didn’t much care, either. Now that I am married, it’s more important to keep up appearances. We can’t have people thinking I am cheating, right? Besides, it’s not really cheating if he’s watching, right?

This blog will get more organized as it progresses, but at the moment, it’s frenzied for a reason – it represents my frenzied sexual feelings. Sometimes I think I would LOVE to immerse myself in a fucking orgy of lust and sex and zero inhibitions and no reason to think of anything but pure physical gratification. When we fuck, the dirty, talk is so sick and twisted, it goes from “fuck my cunt” to a full-on description of the parking lot full of strangers standing over me jacking off, coming all over me till I am soaking in it, a full body shower in it – and everything in between. Nothing turns me on more than truly dirty words in my ear and hot breath on my neck while a hard cock slams my pussy.

Is there anything wrong with that? Is it wrong to be a slut? I love this feeling. I love letting go of my proper self and just getting base and nasty, and giving myself over to physical sensation alone. Once I am in that zone I feel so free. It's like I am flying.

I hope others out there like me feel the same. Are we bad? Or is it bad to pretend that's not what we like? Which is worse?